Mark Twain said, “Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.” No one exemplifies this reality more than the woman of Proverbs 31. The Proverbs 31 Woman is idolized by many Christians. She is notorious to just as many. Her good example is an annoyance that is hard for many to put up with. But the tension of the text is eased by knowing that Proverbs 31 is one long discourse. 

King Lemuel wrote this chapter. Proverbs 31:1 is the only place where the name occurs. Lemuel may be a pseudonym for Solomon or Hezekiah. All we know for sure is that Lemuel was a wise king whose mother taught him the ways of wisdom. Proverbs 31:1 calls this chapter “an oracle that his mother taught him.”

Verses 2-9 record the wise counsel King Lemuel’s mother gave him. Proverbs is primarily instruction that Solomon gave to his son, who would succeed him. Here, King Lemuel reflects on the instruction his mother gave him. After the text teaches how to be a good man, it then teaches how to find a good wife. The order of these instructions is significant. 

Singles can become preoccupied with finding Mr. Right or Miss Right. There is a more excellent way. If you are not ready for an exclusive and lifelong covenant of companionship, you’ll inevitably find yourself asking, “Why did I get married?”

Verse 10 asks, “An excellent wife who can find?” Then the chapter describes an excellent wife. Verses 10-31 are an acrostic in which each line begins with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet. Derek Kidner called it “an alphabet of wifely excellence.” It is also chiastic in structure, laid out in an inverted parallelism. Either feature is emphatic. Both together are unforgettable.

In Jewish tradition, husbands quoted this poem to their wives on Sabbath evenings. Christian churches often read and reflect on it on Mother’s Day. Bishop Horne said, “All mothers should teach female pupils under their care to read and learn it by heart.”

Some resent this Proverbs 31 Woman as unattainably idealistic. But she is no “Wonder Woman” who knows it all, has it all, and does it all. The point is simple, normal, and beautiful: A good wife is a godly wife. Godliness is not being religious. It is Proverbs 3:6: “In all your ways acknowledge him.” What are the characteristics of a good and godly wife? 

A Wise Woman

In Proverbs, wisdom is more than knowledge. Wisdom is what you do with what you know. Melvin Wade says, “Wisdom teaches knowledge to behave.” Proverbs 31 does not say anything about intellect or education. Yet it depicts her as a wise woman. Proverbs pictures wisdom as a woman. Lady Wisdom contrasts with Lady Folly. 

Tremper Longman III says of the Proverbs 31 Woman, “She is the human embodiment of God’s wisdom; a flesh-and-blood personification of Woman Wisdom.”

My boyhood friend taught me to never call a woman beautiful until I hear her talk. Proverbs 11:22 says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” But you can hear wisdom in the good wife’s words. Proverbs 31:26 says, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” “Teaching” is the word for Torah – divine instruction. “Kindness” translates hesed, which refers to God’s steadfast love. Her love for her husband and children is expressed in what she does and says.  

Verse 33 says a woman who “fears the Lord should be praised.” The fear of God is the heart of wisdom. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” The fear of the Lord is the ABCs of true wisdom. The one who does not know, trust, and serve God is a fool. The Proverbs 31 Woman is praiseworthy because she fears God. Because she fears God, she fears nothing else. Verse 21 says, “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.”

How does she live so fearlessly? Verse 17 says, She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.” Verse 25 says, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Vain women are consumed with new, costly, and fashionable clothes. A wise woman clothes herself in strength and dignity. These are not personality traits. They are the result of trusting God. Colossians 2:3 says that in Christ “are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” How are things between you and Jesus? You cannot be the person you should be without a right relationship with God through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

A Worthy Woman

Verse 10 asks, “An excellent wife who can find?” This question is not rhetorical. A good woman is hard to find. So is a good man. Proverbs 20:6 says, “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” “Find” suggests you don’t bump into her in the club. She must be sought and found. The pursuit is worth it. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” A good wife is divine favor. Proverbs 31:10 says, “She is far more precious than jewels.” This statement is not hyperbolic. A good woman makes a man rich.

“Excellent” refers to strength, wealth, or ability. It was a military term used for capable soldiers. A good wife is the kind of person you want by your side as you fight life’s battles. In Exodus 18:21, Jethro told Moses to find “able men” to help him lead the people. In Ruth 3:11, Boaz tells her, “All my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.” The matter of this woman’s excellence begins and ends this poem. Verse 10 says the excellent wife is more precious than jewels. Verse 29 says her husband and children sing her praise: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” In the social media culture we live in, people brag about themselves.

• I’m a queen. 
• I’m That Girl. 
• I’m a Boss Lady. 

The list of self-promoting and self-congratulating titles goes on and on. That is not how the good wife speaks. Her speech is filled with wisdom and kindness. She does not declare herself to be excellent. Her husband sings, “My wife is excellent! What a woman! She’s the best!” He compliments her character, not her appearance. This poem doesn’t tell us how the good wife looks! Godliness made her attractive, not her hairstyle, face card or measurements. There’s nothing wrong with marrying a woman you enjoy looking at. Also, consider what she will look like fifty years from now when physical beauty fades away. 

A Wedded Woman

The good wife is a good mother. Verse 29 says, “Her children rise up and call her blessed.” The MacArthur Study Bible footnotes: “There can be no higher joy for a mother than for her children to grow up to praise her as the source of the wisdom that made them godly.” But the excellent wife’s primary relationship is with her husband. Verse 10 says, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” The first proof is her husband. The young man who reads this poem is encouraged to pursue a good wife, not an immoral woman. 

Verse 11 says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her.” This is the language of Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” This husband trusts his wife categorically. Genesis 2:18 is the first thing the Lord said was not good: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.” If man needed a good woman in a perfect world, how much more does he need one in a sinful world? 

God created the woman to be man’s trusted partner. The Fall created “the battle of the sexes.” Proverbs 31 honors the good wife who complements, not competes with, her husband. Because of her, he has “no lack of gain.” “Gain” was a term for the spoils of war. While the soldier-husband brought home spoils of war, his wife’s effective household management enhanced the family’s wealth. 

Verse 12 says, “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” “All the days of life” asserts that this was no marriage of convenience. No “irreconcilable differences” would separate them. Genesis 2:24 says this is how God designed marriage: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Throughout this exclusive and permanent marriage relationship, she “does him good, and no harm.” The double statement is emphatic: All good and no harm.

Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. The Proverbs 31 Woman was no “quarrelsome wife.” Martin Luther said, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” We can’t speak for this husband. But the good wife made him glad to come home to home. Verse 23 says, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders in the land.” The “gates” were the ancient city hall where verdicts and judgments were rendered. 

Her strength and support in their home made this husband ready to face public life. She “upgraded him,” making him respected and renowned among the leading men of the city. 

A Working Woman

The main body of the poem catalogues the good wife’s diligent, tireless, and fruitful activities. More than half of the poem is about her industry. Her large household had many servants. Yet she is not a woman of leisure who constantly posts vacation pics on Instagram. This wife and mother was a manufacturer, importer, manager, realtor, farmer, seamstress, upholsterer, and merchant. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” The woman’s “hands” are repeatedly mentioned in the text. 

• Verse 13 says she works with willing hands. 
• Verse 16 says she plants a vineyard with the fruit of her hands. 
• Verse 19 says she puts her hand to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 
• Verse 20 says she opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hand to the needy. 
• Verse 31 says to give her the fruit of her hands. 

J. Vernon McGee said, “Man’s work is from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done.” Yet time was not this woman’s enemy. Verse 15 says, “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.” Verse 18 says, “Her lamp does not go out at night.” Verse 27 is a massive understatement: “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Yet her tireless labor was not busywork. Verse 14 says, “She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.” Verse 22 says, “She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purpose.” Verse 24 says, “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.”

Her hard work is not limited to physical labor. She is a wise decision-maker. Verse 13 says, “She seeks wool and flax.” Verse 16 says, “She considers a field and buys it.” Verse 18 says, “She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.” Her labors are not confined to the house. She buys property, plants vineyards, and engages merchants. But when her feet were outside her home, her heart remained in her home. Her work she a blessing, not a burden. Matthew 25:21 and 23 teach that the reward for good work is more work. 

A Wealthy Woman

The Proverbs 31 Woman was a woman of means. However, this proverb does talk about what she had. The focus is on what she did with what she had. Derek Kidner wrote: “She treats her advantages not as a means to self-indulgence but as a widening of her responsibilities.”

Proverbs 31:20 says, “She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.” If you had it going on like this woman, what kind of people would you associate with? This excellent wife did not join any elite social clubs. She gave herself and her resources to the poor and needy. God doesn’t mind you holding things in high esteem. He only insists that you hold it with an open hand. This noble wife had generous hands and a compassionate heart. She didn’t lose anything for it. Proverbs 19:17 says, “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deeds.” 

The good wife is wealthy because of what she does and who she is. Proverbs 31:28-29 says, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently but you surpass them all.” If you were reared and raised by a godly mother, you’re blessed! Don’t miss an opportunity to bless her, not just on Mother’s Day. 

Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Style, grace, taste, class, and elegance have their place. It can also be “deceitful.” “Beauty” is empty, worthless, and meaningless. Worldly women are obsessed with looking young. If old age is a disease, we all want to catch it! Proverbs 16:31 says, “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” 

This ode to the noble wife ends appropriately: “Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 22:29 says, “Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.” That prediction is not gender specific. It also applies to the good wife of Proverbs 31. She should receive the fruit of her hands. Her works should praise her in the gates.

 John Wesley said, “If men be silent, the lasting effects of her prudence and diligence will trumpet forth her praises.” If that does not happen here and now, hang in there! Hebrews 6:10 says, “For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do.”